I have never been this depressed in life ..yes in thirty years....am so depressed
now that i end up breaking so often .
My only comfort right now is Vihaan and i feel so bad about being depressed when he is around.After all the few hours that i spend with him , this is not the face that i want him to see -a depressed mamma ...
Thought me writing about my angst, upsetness and low feelings can help me get out of this low life condition . Dunno where the happy viji has gone ....
why is that my happy days does not exist for more than one whole day .
I think i put my heart and soul into everything i do , i try to be a perfectionist , i want to be nice to everyone and the biggest mistake is -i expect all this from outside too .Then what will remain -all anger and upsetness only
Why should everyone be nice to me ? why will everyone do things the way i do it ..huh ..
Such a late realisation !!
And off late i realise am just not connected to the outside world .I have stopped talking to friends , my sister (my biggest strength in times of trouble )and even my gakkai friends . Dunno why i have build a shell outside me ...is this all because am unhappy or am i unhappy because i am becoming a closed person ?
Dunno -let me find some answers soon !
2 comments:
Oh no I've been visiting here for quite some time...going by ur writings believe me I see a shadow of me...And tat made me go the xtra mile to enquire abt u from Subha :)
Even I was like u....whatever I do, I do it with passion and whole heartedly & expect the same from others too...And it took sometime for me to realise the reciprocation cant be felt/got from others everytime.
Ive read even ur archives and no post in 'My world' is low as this one. Come on Viji, working moms like us have very lil time to be spent with our lil one's...so treasure it and be happy.Just dont bother abt anything else....Am sure Vihaans smile will make u alright! Waiting for the 'back to form' post :)
The Answer is GIven in ure own post : Which was written on
Monday, December 8, 2008
Topic was: Living Buddhism . Pls read it once. Cheers
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